Obama May See the LightHighly placed confidential sources within the White House have confirmed to The World that President Barack Obama may change course in his economic policy. "The President was extremely embarrassed that he would be criticized for his economic policies by the Red Chinese," the source said, "I mean, the French are one thing, they always run their mouths and find something to complain about without doing anything much of anything, but the Chinese?" Obama is apparently concerned that the economy may collapse under the weight of increasing debt that will be magnified by his planned spending programs because "the damn Chinese won't buy our bonds."
In addition, the President has reportedly grown increasingly concerned in recent days over the fate of his immortal soul. "He now believes that he is in serious trouble with the Almighty because he lied to some of the people who voted for him when he promised a tax cut. It was clear when the President promised this that he would never be able to give a tax cut given his spending goals," said an anonymous White House aide. Further, President Obama has apparently been contemplating a religious conversion. A Catholic priest has been seen quietly making his way into the Oval Office very early in the mornings. This development has given rise to speculation that President Obama may soon be received into the Catholic Church, a major development since House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced Monday that he would be received into the Church during the Easter Vigil April 11, and rumors are flying in Catholic circles that former President George W. Bush, whose brother Jeb is Catholic, will be next.
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs adamantly denied today that the President is converting to Catholicism, but said that Obama is covering his spiritual bases. "With the final squandering of all of our collective national wealth, the public lying, and total indifference to the issue of aborticide in America, the President merely wants to be certain he can somehow make things right with God," said Gibbs, "the President does not want to be eternally consigned to Hell, where the worm never dies and the fire is never quenched. He is in the midst of contemplating his previous errors."