The World According to Oatney

A visit from Superman

A reader/listener who claims on his blogger profile to be from New Zealand writes:

Jesus. I thought you might be a non-american. Then I heard your "weird-assed slang". Sorry bud. I can't stand listening to the drawl. Nice try, though. I hope "y'all" learn how to speak them proper english...good night.


First of all, I was not aware that people in Oz or New Zealand spoke proper English. If ever anyone has spoken with English-speakers from that part of the world, their speech is so filled with slang and slutter that it could easily be defined as an improper use of the English tongue.

The fact that the poster identifies himself as Superman also gives us some idea that he has a superiority complex. The people of the great nation of New Zealand should be proud to have Superman living in their midst (yeah, right).

(For their sakes, I hope these are not the sorts of people New Zealanders elect to Parliament. If so, perhaps our long-standing U.S. alliance with New Zealand ought to be re-examined.)

A New Zealander won the U.S. Open this week. A great golfer..but not Superman. We now know that Superman spends most of his time posting to internet blogs, and apparently can't understand the Real American Language.

Would Superman like fries with that?

(Note to folks from Oz and New Zealand: I don't really believe you speak bad English. You can talk however you like. Unlike Superman, who must not be Superman, as he seems to have a great deal of trouble understanding what I say, I think it is easy to understand how you speak, slang, slutter, and all.)

posted by Deacon David Oatney @ 10:35 AM